You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
farters have to be the big spoon...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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