How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need a burrito and a hug.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
