"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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