So drunk, too bad you don't want this
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
