he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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