I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
