fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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