all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
