Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
They have beer where we have blood.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
