Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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