I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
