Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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