You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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