I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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