the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
