Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
