New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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