oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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