The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
