I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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