Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i drank out of a bidet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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