Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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