If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
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