He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
