it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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