I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
