I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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