She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
