Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
