i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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