Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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