So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
