I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
