I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
