and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
