He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize
