dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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