I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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