He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
