You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
