I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
