I'm going to jail i love you
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
