STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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