yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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