I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
