i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
