I bet he comes in French.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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