Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
