I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
