there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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