So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
