Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
