she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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