just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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