I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
